Pull the Plug!

 

Want to know a secret parenting tip? Unplug your dishwasher. Yep, it’s that easy!

Years ago, our dishwasher broke. Actually, we were semi-professional dishwasher-breakers – we went through several of them in the course of a few years. “Oh well…” I thought, at least I have several “spares,”… aka - my able-bodied children.

In the meantime, while saving our pennies for the new time-saving device, we were forced to resort to washing the dishes by hand…every.single.meal.

During this season, I began to notice some parenting opportunities that I had been missing out on when the dishwasher was doing the work.


My children were learning to work together.


Living in a classic suburban setting, my children had not been exposed to the necessity and reality of daily chores. Sure, being a “good” homeschool mom, I had created the obligatory chore charts and manufactured chores that they needed to accomplish and check off. I proudly boasted of the cleanest light switch plates and sparkling baseboards in the neighborhood. But, really - we knew that these “chores” were often skippable… and they often skipped out.


But, on the dark day, the dishwasher died - the reality of necessary daily chores crashed onto our countertop in the form of 10 people using dishes 3 times a day! Thus began my search for the best way to divide the labor.


I tried “Boy Day” and “Girl Day” –that worked for a while, having equal numbers of both. I tried “Dish Teams” - alternating days. That worked for a while until the high school schedules upset the plan once again. Our current system looks like this - “Whoever makes dinner doesn’t help with dishes.” Shhh… nothing gets a teen more motivated to cook for everyone when they get to skip dishes!


I’d like to say “dish duty” was always a happy, cheerful time, with everyone gladly rolling up their sleeves to tackle the job with a smile on their face. But I’d be lying.


We learned quickly which person could dive right in with the “sooner we start, the sooner we finish” mentality. And, which of them could stall and postpone and avoid the work altogether. Let me assure you when siblings are assigned “dish duty” together –they will learn to work out those differences!


Many sibling squabbles were solved around the sink as they had to work together to accomplish the task.



My children were learning to serve.

A new appreciation for the preparation of meals began to take place. Knowing how much work it took to make a meal and clean it up became more real to my kiddos, who had previously gobbled it down, stuffed it in the dishwasher, and ran off without a second thought.


Too often, I had done all the real work in the kitchen. With the dishwasher out of commission, I did not have the energy or the time to do it “all” any longer. The children were needed to help. I noticed it didn’t hurt them, it helped them develop appreciation!


It became a training ground for learning to complete a task…all the way. Many times, “quality control” had to be applied to ensure the dish was truly clean, the counter was wiped down, the dishes were put away, etc.


I fell in love with a sign that reads - “Wash the plate not because it’s dirty, nor because you are told to wash it, but because you love the person that will use it next,” by Mother Theresa. It proudly hangs above the sink and reminds us that this chore is actually an act of love for those we get to serve.


The conversations over the sink became a precious time for connection.


In today’s world, we constantly hear how disconnected everyone is becoming. The digital world is pulling us away from face-to-face connections, and our children suffer for it.

Not if you unplug the dishwasher! You will get the opportunity to connect at least 3 times a day.

I have witnessed the amazing conversations that have taken place around my sink. We have discussed everything from God, politics, our future plans, and why baking with a muffin tin is annoying to clean and should be banned.

We’ve turned on the music, been silly, and had the best family dance parties ever.

We declared war, expressed frustrations, and snapped at each other with wet dish towels. Warning – this is not for the faint of heart and could result in minor injuries, which taught essential skills in apologizing and making amends.

We’ve cried and reminisced together while washing the “good china,” remembering happy family memories and holiday traditions.

We learned to show thankfulness for each other and genuinely appreciate the blessings of a clean counter and empty sink.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that the dishwasher’s death had actually been a gift to us. So, for now, I have no plans to resurrect it. I do tell them when they all grow up and move away… I’ll probably buy a new dishwasher the very next day.



Don’t be afraid to pull the plug, pull up your sleeves and see what opportunities are waiting for you at the sink!




Blessings,

Renita

Lighten Your Load

 

We all get weary about this time of year… winter seems to drag on and on, our best intended resolutions have escaped us (again), and there isn’t a bright spot in sight to look forward to! We scour the internet looking for that special “something” that can brighten up our day, make school bearable again, and lighten our load.  May I suggest –we may be looking for “love in all the wrong places.”  What we need is rest – but, the www.whatever doesn’t have what we most need. I’ve been pondering what brings this elusive “true rest” to my day.  Of course, as Christians, we are familiar with the verse “Come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest.” While this is abundantly true, I can find it hard to put it into daily practice in my homeschooling endeavors, especially in these years homeschooling high schoolers and having three post-graduates in the home. What are the things that are making you feel “weary and heavy burdened”?  For me, I realized that the load I was carrying was heavier than it needed to be and I had picked up some things that I should have put down.  I had been carrying them far too long –and the Lord gently invited me to come to Him and learn of Him and to find rest for my soul. Academic Expectations & Fear I had picked up numerous academic expectations along the homeschooling path about what we “had” to do. You know the ridiculous, but common, expectations that we have to do all the subjects, follow a specific scope and sequence, and excel at everything.  These expectations created imagined “requirements” that the invisible “they” will be looking for on the prized, golden transcript– my child’s ticket to success.  I really excelled at picking up all those unrealistic academic expectations and trying to meet them all! Along with these came fear.  Fear that we couldn’t meet them, fear that we wouldn’t measure up and fear we weren’t good enough!   So we worked longer and harder and those heavy “got-to-do-expectations” quickly consumed most of our waking moments;  got to do Algebra and beyond, got to have 2 years of an intense foreign language, got to have extracurriculars, got to have volunteer hours, got to take the tests (even take them over again for another couple of points), got to do college credit, got to follow the checklists.  (Actually – I kinda hate to admit this, I LOVE a good checklist –what a feeling of accomplishment there is to gleefully check something off!  I may have even a time a two, written something down just to get to check it off.  I think I’m a list-checking addict!) The rest of the verse in Matthew 11 intrigued me, “Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me…and you shall find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.” Our school days looked anything but “easy and light.”  I realized I needed to learn more from the Lord and to understand better what His easy yoke and light load was for us. I found that these heavy expectations I had taken on were fueled by fear and became the dictators of our days. What a gift it was to trade all those burdensome expectations and fears in exchange for His light and easy yoke!  It brought freedom. It brought peace. It brought us rest.  Instead of hurrying to finish all those “got tos”, we started to prioritize all the “get tos”.  It was a subtle shift from carrying heavy expectations to enjoying the journey with appreciation and gratitude. The Lord’s invitation to learn of Him allowed us to see all the many ways we had been given a gift of freedom in our days from the endless demands.  We get to set a more relaxed schedule.  We get to skip that difficult lesson and save it for another day when we may have more energy.  We get to customize our studies to our unique needs and unique callings. We get to push the textbook lessons aside and experience real life learning together. Can I encourage you?  Your children are loved by God more than by you (you know how much you love them!) You can trust Him to lead you and them.  Those expectations you picked up will only leave you fearful, feeling behind and worn out. As I relinquished some of my pseudo-academic expectations for my children, the Lord showed up (as He always does.)  Instead of a frantic pace created by trying to check all the boxes, we are learning to capture the moments, eliminate the unnecessary, and prioritize what the Lord is showing us to do.  Peace-filled days, better real learning, and rest followed.  And surprisingly, at least to me, none of my children have stopped learning and growing and excelling.  In fact, the Lord provided many opportunities to learn in very creative ways that we had been missing! Comparisons & Lies Along our journey, carrying comparisons started to weigh me down.  I’d like to think of myself as strongly independent, my own person who likes to do her own thing.  But, comparisons started sneaking into my heart and my home.  I would imagine what the “perfect” family looks like, and then look around at what my family looked like and feel discouraged or defeated.  I picked up more -–“I’ll try harder - do more” ideas for my schooling, my home, and what I should be doing and weighed myself down to the point of exhaustion believing the lies. I thought things like, “Maybe I need a shiny new curriculum or I need to join a popular co-op group to really make us love learning. All I need to do is spend the money, get on board and everything will be easier. Someone else knows better what my children need.” “Or maybe what I need, at least according to all the Instagram & Pinterest images, is a new look or an extreme home makeover.  Everyone else’s home looks perfectly coordinated and organized while their children sit eagerly around the fireplace waiting for the wisdom to drip from mom’s lips as they sip homemade hot chocolate and eat fresh sourdough bread. My home or situation must be our problem.”  My thoughts continued, “What we need is to sell everything we own and buy an RV to homeschool across the country next year. It’ll bring fun and adventure. What we need a complete re-invention of who and what we are. We should be like someone else.” But, the Lord intervened. He said “Come to me… learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  Could it really be that easy? He said He will give me the desires of my heart, He will supply all my needs, He has good plans for me, He will give me the strength to do all He has called me to do, and He is enough. All this helped me enormously. I learned to focus daily on Him and those comparisons and lies started to lose their attraction.  Refocusing my heart and home on Him gave us all a lighter and far easier yoke to carry. Doing It All & Pride Along with those pesky comparisons, I had picked up habits of doing everything myself.  A sort of misplaced pride– thoughts of “It is all my responsibility. If I don’t do it, who will?” and “It rests on me”filled my heavy sack. Moms, we are so good at this!  We learn quickly how to balance multiple responsibilities at one time caring for our little ones–even when they are no longer little.  We get so efficient and so good at managing everything we barely even notice that our “little ones” are fully capable of carrying their own loads. I was the one running our household, planning meals, shopping, cooking, cleaning… the list went on and on. Meanwhile, nearly fully-formed adults were living absolutely care and responsibility free in the shadow of my endless labors.  It was time to share some of the fun! And wow what changes came…and our house has one happier mama! Take a moment, look around your home.  What things are you doing that they could be doing?  Unload some of that.  Let them reap the rewards of learning how to plan, shop, & cook meals for the family (that could be an entire article.) Expect them to take care of the home you share - by cleaning, repairing, and LEARNING how to! This will serve them all of their grown-up lives, and you may have been inadvertently preventing them from doing it, by doing it all yourself. I had taken on the burden of being the one driving the direction of their plans after high school.  I was the one who worried through the transcript formation and scheduled the tests and planned the college visits and, of course, monitored their progress on all the checklists I could find! Instead, I realized my responsibility was to teach them to learn from the Lord and let them start directing their own path.  Is it possible that you need to do that as well? Maybe you need to stop doing it all for them.  I’m not saying to abandon your post as their guide and their cheerleader–I’m saying that the responsibility for determining their life plan is between the Lord and them, not you.  Point them in the right direction, and cheer them on!  Remember, in just several short years, they will not be students– they will be adults.  Start letting them flex their muscles so that they are strong and wise enough to carry their own loads. All these things and more have helped me bring the heavy load I was carrying to the Lord and trade it for His lighter, easier yoke. I’m learning to keep Jesus’ instruction of “Learn of Me” a daily priority. Blessings, Renita “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  - Matthew 11:28-30