Digital vs. Analog- Take Back Your Time!

“We leave at quarter to 12,” I yelled up the stairs to the supposed-to-be-getting-ready-to-go teens.  

 

“What does that even mean?” my teenage daughter quizzed back.  “Don’t  you mean 11:45?  What is this ‘quarter to’ stuff?”  “Why don’t you tell time like everyone else?”

I realized something later as I reflected on this conversation.  My teenagers have grown up in a mostly “digital” world; they only tell time from a digital perspective.   I, on the other hand, grew up in a mostly “analog” world, and can actually tell time from looking at a round clock with hour, minute and second hands!  

 

This has made me ponder other differences between my “Digital” offspring and my “Analog” upbringing.  I realized that my generation… (a proud member of Gen X) has a distinct advantage of having been raised with an analog childhood and learning to adapt and exist in the now digital world.

Not only can we tell time with the clock – and move effortlessly from “quarter to” and “half past”, we can easily translate 11:45 and 10:30.   We can fire off a handwritten thank you note (thank you mom for making me!), while we can also send emails and texts, complete with spelling and punctuation (most of the time).

 

We have searched through cookbooks, stained with remains from long ago creations, maybe even held a recipe card, handwritten– of course, in our hands.  But we know, too,  how to scour the internet for ideas for what to make for dinner with just three ingredients we happen to have in our pantry.

We have planted seeds, harvested veggies and herbs (maybe even a pumpkin or zucchini), and maybe even learned how to can and preserve homemade jam.  We have even turned some of these old-fashioned skills into “canning parties” with our friends… turning the floors sticky with the spills of dozens of jars of canned peaches (that taste like sunshine!).  But we’ve also delighted in the ease of online grocery shopping & home delivery with a few clicks of our mouse.

 

We have held a needle and thread in our hands, maybe only during those awkward years of high school Home Ec. class, to sew on a button.  Maybe it was learning to hammer a nail, or the art of plastic injection molding, or metal foundry in our Shop class.  Even if ever so briefly, we learned to create something with our hands.  But we also mastered the digital tools of spreadsheets, spell check and maybe even dabbled in AI.

 

Statistics concerning the amount of daily digital interactions and the rise of depression and anxiety in our children is, well… concerning.  There is much discussion about the advantages of moving away from the digital experience and becoming more analog.  I can resonate with that.  However,  I feel it would be naive to believe that the digital is going away (apart from a complete apocalypse).  So, what are we to do?

I think having one foot in the analog world, and the other in the digital world has some advantages.  Surely, our digital tools can be used to improve our analog days.  How can I harness this in my homeschool day to help my children see the whole picture more effectively?

 

Our current society is set to a digital default.  We automatically reach for a device to answer any question we have.  We depend on our digital tools to do most everything.  Ever reach for a map instead of your GPS to find your way?  How about when you need a flashlight… do you go hunting for one in your junk drawer, or quickly whip out your phone from your back pocket?

 

To make a step closer to a slower, more analog-y day, you’re going to need to be more intentional.  I’m not sure what this looks like for you, but for me it means making decisions to use my time in different ways.

 

Make Something

My childhood was filled with memories of my grandmother’s quilts.  They were on every bed, and her quilting frame quickly turned her dining room into a quilting bee with her friends all gathered around adding their stitches to her quilt. It was functional and it was hemmed with community.  I learned to quilt by inheriting an appreciation for it. 

After my first son was born, a few neighborhood friends decided to take a beginning quilting class at a local shop and we all escaped for an evening every week (I needed the escape from a colicky baby!)  Once again, it was a functional, practical use of time and stitched together with community.  The methods may change, but the outcome is the same. 

 

Fast forward about 28 years, and I am now passing down the quilting tradition with my daughters.  It took some intention, and several years of “thinking about it” but we made an important decision. Instead of spending most of our school days drowning in curriculum and online lessons, checking the boxes and building a transcript, we joined our church’s Quilting Ministry.  What better way to inspire the next generation than to connect them with the previous generation, filled with skills they can’t wait to pass on! 

Just one meeting in, and my daughters were oohing and ahhing over the quilts that these women were making to donate to those in need.  Purpose and passion was on display for them to see.   It was contagious to say the least.  Now they are proudly designing, cutting, sewing and stitching their own creations… all to give away.  It has been a very valuable, and intentional shift in our time priorities. A shift that brought us back to tangible outcomes that we can see and feel.               

 

Tend to it

Our children need to feel the weight of responsibility in real and tangible ways.  The digital day doesn’t carry the same weight.  One of the best ways to do this, in my opinion, is to give them something to tend.  A couple of ideas to get you started:

 

A pet– Over the years we have had dozens of animal visitors to our home.  Cats, dogs, hamsters, frogs, lizards… you name it.  Unforgettable experiences of watching the miracle of metamorphosis, which turned into a seven (yes…SEVEN) year science experiment on our kitchen counter and included a cross-country move and several family grave-side services recalling the survivor instincts of our beloved amphibian pets.   The time we found a left-behind 1 week old feral kitten and bottle fed her round-the-clock for weeks!   The very real chore of “dog duty,” (which everyone seems surprised needs attention daily.) Pets have introduced the weight of responsibility, taught diligence and provided endless enjoyment (and heartbreak) for real-life lessons.              

 

Grow something - Few projects have been more enjoyable in our  homeschool than the process of planting seeds and watching them grow.  You don’t need a big acre-sized garden like I grew up weeding.  You can start with a couple of pots on a sunny windowsill.  Even as an adult, with plenty to tend to, I get a huge delight watching plants grow.  Herbs are an easy introduction, then once you catch on, go for some giant sunflowers and see your children’s eyes pop!  Plants teach them very down-to-earth lessons about taking care of something outside of themselves.  Let them get some dirt under their fingernails to teach them some good old analog lessons.  (Plus, nothing tastes better than a veggie you grew yourself - just ask me, the proud California fruit farmer of the sweetest orange I ever did eat!)

 

Chores - “No one is more hopeful than a mother with a new chore chart”, a quote I read long ago, still makes me chuckle and nod.  But seriously, our children need to be seen as contributing and necessary members of the family.  Chores help teach this in very solid ways.  If you live out in the country on any amount of land, you probably don’t have to think too hard to come up with age-appropriate chores for your children.  But, if you live in suburbia with maintenance free landscaping, you may have to be more creative!  

When our dishwasher succumbed to overuse (we have an unusal talent for killing dishwashers) we decided to hold off running out to purchase a new one.  That decision introduced a new level of responsibility required for my children… dishes must get washed, over and over, several times a day!  

After watching all the good conversations, and opportunities for character development that happen around the sink with dishtowels in hand, we decided NOT to replace it (at least until they all grow up 😃 ).   

One reminder with chores, stand back and let them do it, even imperfectly.  Sure, it takes longer, and you may end up doing it over, but do not jump in to fix it –let them do it.  

I promise you, this is one area you will see the that the fruit of their labor pays off… big time!

 

Take a Hike

Have you noticed that the world outside your door is filled with analog wonder?  Trees, birds, flowers, bugs… all analog.  No digital glow, no beeping or buzzing - just vivid colors, amazing patterns, and full sensory input. So, ditch the device, put on your sweater, lace up your boots and take everyone outside for a hike!  Open your eyes to what is surrounding you. Even in suburbia, you can find a place with trees and grass.  

Squat down and really look at the ground… what detail there is in dirt!  Look up at the sky– notice the colors, the clouds, feel the breeze (or not if you live in S. Texas!). Close your eyes and listen, what can you hear?  God has designed an amazing place for us to live, all we need to do is have eyes to see and ears to hear. Make it part of every lesson plan, “Go outside,”  then gleefully check it off as completed!

 

Living in a not-as-welcoming climate (TX), we had defaulted to time indoors in air-conditioned comfort and had slowly drifted away from being outside.  Then, Covid happened and we all got a bit stir-crazy and had to get out the house before we hurt someone. We discovered that there were walking trails all over the place, we just hadn’t noticed them!  

I encourage you to take a look around with new eyes.  Don’t be afraid to spontaneously pack everyone (and a snack) into the car and go exploring. Stop being so rigid. Don’t let your school plan become a vise grip.  You are in the driver’s seat to teach your children how to live life God’s way, not to blindly follow someone else’s prescribed path for you. (Someone who has no idea what is best for your family!)

Be daring, don’t be afraid to try new things! Our family made a radical shift in this with our move to rural CA.  Now, we are outdoors more than we are inside–and everyone has developed stronger bodies and more appreciation for all that is waiting for them on the other side of the screen.

Pick up a Book

Many of my fondest memories over the past 24 years of  homeschooling my children are centered around the books we shared together.  As the world moves faster and faster at the digital pace, the slow art of reading aloud gets lost more and more.  I want to encourage you to resist the trend toward digital books and e-readers and choose to make time for family reading together.  I can’t stress enough all the benefits of this practice.  I know you know it too.  I want to encourage you to DO it. Splurge. Buy the books; they are treasures! You share them together and are building a priceless shared foundation that will last the rest of your lives.  

Another benefit to books, you can hold them, smell them, and even decorate with them. (“A room without books is like a body without a soul” - Cicero)  They are a tangible treasure to hold in your hands and your hearts.

 

Our read alouds have become part of the fabric of our family.  Shared memories, inside jokes, and thousands of hours of time spent together. Isn’t that why we chose this journey?  Keep reading out loud to your children, even when they are in high school! You are building a shared foundation that they will return to again and again.

 

On a side note, when planning your curriculum, resist the pull to all digital.  I know it’s funny to hear a digital/analog science curriculum provider say that, but it’s important!  Studies prove that children learn best with a variety of approaches. Make sure to keep some of your day working in the analog realm. Make sure they experience the learning by tasting, feeling, seeing, and hearing it - not just clicking the mouse.

Cook some international recipes, read together outside on the trampoline, pull out the dress-up bin and make a costume to go with the time period you are studying, play a board game together. Learn to play an instrument, take up a new artistic hobby, or start a business.   Even into high school, creating hand-written notecards is still a very effective way to study! Make the time count by introducing more analog activities into every subject.

  

Break the Mold

Somewhere between my Home Ec. and Shop classes and today… we have developed a new mold, or definition, of what education is and should look like.  It’s become a transcript, test scores, and college acceptance letter as our measure of success. I have learned that this is a BIG mistake!  

 

I propose that you spend some good old analog time contemplating what you want your home education “mold” of success to look like.  For us, it meant taking determined steps away from the common path.  We are choosing to look more at the whole and not just some of the steps.  And in it all, we are choosing to be more whole-hearted persons.  

 

A wise person once told me that every “yes” to one thing, was a “no” to another.  Our “yes” to some activities were saying “no” to others.  Truly, there is no end to things like dual credit classes, endless evening activities, expensive enrichment activities. and heavy academic endeavors.  They were creating a craving for more and more and more, and they were “nos” to valuable time spent together, “no” to creating (ever try to be creative on “schedule”, it seldom works for me!), and “no” to pursuing unique God-given passions.  

 

Make a list of what activities occupy those precious hours between waking and sleeping.  What are you really spending them on?  Take a pen and paper, and in analog style - write down those big goals you have for your children.  Keep this tangible reminder visible as you begin to plan your lessons.  Be ruthless, cut out those things that don’t line up with or move you closer to those goals.  Once I started to do this, it freed up so much time - both physically and emotionally.

 

I can’t tell you what intentional analog shift you need to make, but I’m sure it’s been simmering in your mind for a while now.  This is your reminder to take that idea and bring it into reality.  The clock is ticking for your family. 

Remember, your children aren’t always going to be at this stage.  They are going to grow up, this time comes way faster that you realize.  Recognize the gift of the season you find yourself in.  Embrace this time! 

Take a step forward, maybe it’s quilting, maybe it’s canning, or building something, or growing something.  There is a skill you grew up seeing and doing, and now it’s becoming just a memory.  Take it out, dust if off,  and make it real for your children… teach them how to do it or find someone who can.  Give them a wonderful reason to put down the digital device and do something with their hands

 

Be Fearless

 We hear it frequently: “The digital devices are having a negative effect on our children”, “anxiety and depression are rising”, “all my kids want to do is sit and watch reels” ….   I don’t want to add another voice to that gloom and doom.  But I want to encourage to you be fearless enough to make the change –and do it now.

 

Parents, we are the timekeepers of our homes.  The Lord has given us the authority and the responsibility to use our time well.  To do that, we need to fearlessly examine our choices.  

We need to courageously step up to make the changes He is directing.  So much of our time is being wasted worrying about what the co-op is doing, or what our friends are pursuing, or the fear of being behind.  (Behind what??  Really, maybe this is all that you needed to read…). 

 

Stop the spinning!  

As I round the bend to my last years of homeschooling - I can see that light at the end of the tunnel shining brightly.  Don’t wait.  Take back your time with your family, before you don’t have the chance.  Remember to keep the digital tools in their place, the beauty of the analog world is waiting for you to rediscover it!  

 

Blessings,
Renita

The Power of Having More

 

We have sixteen kids.  Yes, you read it correctly, sixteen.  Trust me, I never planned to do this, really!

 

Our son recently got married. (It was beautiful!) As I looked at the big wedding party, mostly made up of his siblings, I realized what a gift they are to each other!

 

Long ago, silly younger me thought she’d have one (maybe two) children.  She’d happily send them off to daycare and continue the pursuit of her “important” career.  I bet God was laughing at me, I know He has a great sense of humor!

 

Well, much of those “important” career thoughts began to change the moment I held my first son and looked at those innocent eyes.  I think I started to glimpse the most important career I’d ever have the privilege to participate in… raising my children.

 

Fast forward a few years and a few more sons, and I was in what I like to call my “wrestling match” phase with God.  I was still unsure of His plan and still trying to hold onto my own plans.  I had three sons and our first daughter (four kids, who would have thought…). I was well aware of my inadequacies as a mother.  I was way out of my league already.  Certainly, it couldn’t be in their best interest for me to have MORE.   I argued all my best points with the Lord.  But HE won our wrestling match with the arrival of another positive pregnancy test.  I stopped arguing and said, “Yes, Lord” to all the blessings He wanted to give us.  And I made Him promise to show up and help since all of this was HIS idea anyway!

 

My “yes” became eight amazing humans!  Four boys and four girls (so many people say, “How perfect, did you plan it that way?”)  Ha!  I didn’t have a clue, and I could have never even imagined!  I know you’re wondering how did eight turn into sixteen?  Well, after tragedy struck our family (that’s a different post).  The LORD expanded my vision again and brought an amazing man, also with eight children into our lives.  Believe me, God’s plan always involves multiplication!

 

Back to the wedding…. Seeing all of them standing together made me realize a few things I want to share about the blessing found in having more children.

 

They are never alone or lonely.

 Loneliness is a massive issue in today’s society. People have become isolated from real-time, face-to-face, one-on-one relationships and live instead in online communities while feeling completely alone.  

 

I can testify a cure for loneliness is sharing a room with 3-4 of your built-in best friends.  In fact, I think some alone time is more of an issue than loneliness in our family! 

 

But, joking aside -“God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68:6.  I think much of the loneliness found today could be cured by expanding families.   Now, before you start to object, let me suggest that there are other ways to expand your family than another positive pregnancy test.  We have intentionally added many “others” to our clan - step-siblings, good friends who feel like family, and even strangers we have adopted who have become part of our family.  

 

Be open to giving God your “yes” - See what He does!

 

They have built-in support and accountability partners.

 One of my pastors used to say, “No one is less impressed by you than your siblings.” Isn’t that the truth?

 

My kiddos unashamedly tell each other the “truth”.  When one is being less than kind, another one of them calls them to account for it.  When one of them has an achievement worth celebrating, guess who are the first ones cheering?

 

We need people in our lives who will be our greatest support, and we need real voices to tell us when we are missing the mark.  No one does that better than a sibling who has known you in all your phases (oh my, remember junior high!) and isn’t fooled by the persona you want others to believe.  They really know you and love you anyway, even when they would rather ship you off to live somewhere else!

  

There is power in the numbers. 

 My family loves the movie Cheaper by the Dozen (of course we do!). Especially the scene where the siblings take out the bully who was attacking one of the younger siblings.

 

There is power in having people who have your back.  I have seen my children want to tear each other apart, only to come together as a FORCE when an attack has come from the outside.

 

Though multiple cross-country moves, unimaginable losses, big transitions, new relationships, heartbreak, and celebrations, the bond that they shared has been a testimony to the goodness of God.

 

I believe God has given them each other as part of His greater plan.  Foster that spirit in your kiddos, help protect the special gift that they are to each other.  Do all that you can to encourage them to love each other.

 

As I watched the clean-up commence after the wedding, I saw, once again, how wonderful it is to have the power of multiplication at work. The adage, “Many hands make light work,” certainly applies to a big family. With everyone pitching in, big tasks get accomplished in no time.  

 

Don’t let those seemingly endless days of diapers, car seats, countless pb & j sandwiches, and phonics lessons over and over… intimidate you.   Those intense times are just a short season.  There are massive blessings ahead!

 

Your nest is not empty.

The season of child raising is a fairly short one; ask any older person–it flies by in the blink of an eye.  If we had stopped with just a few children, we’d already be on to “retirement” trying to figure out the best way to entertain ourselves.   

I’m grateful we are still in the game (especially at our age!), still raising world changers, and still actively pursuing God’s plan for our family.  

I have endless conversations with smart, funny, godly growing adults that challenge me to be a better person.  They even tell me how to best live my life and make smart decisions.. .(though they’ve never lived an ounce where they are giving expert advice. There are people to give me a ride anywhere I want to go and countless home-cooked dinners (by someone who cooks much better than I do). Not to mention the joyous celebrations to share together as more family is added to our number! (Grandkids are coming…)

 

 “Let us not become weary in doing good,

 for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest 

if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9 

  

I hope I can be used to encourage you to grow your family.  Let God show you His plan, and be bold enough to believe Him!

 

Blessings,

Renita

Eight Lessons From My Mom Adventure

Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with social media?  One feature that I love is when I’m shown my “Memories.”  My heart was warmed when an almost forgotten blast from the past popped up with the sweet faces of all eight of my kiddos on a playground slide together.  What I hated was the reminder… It was 11 years ago.   That’s overwhelming! It feels like it was yesterday.

 

I sat there reflecting on that day at the playground.  I remembered the cajoling and threatening it took to get them all on that slide and all looking in my direction.  Hey, I’m a mom of eight children; I had to reduce my expectations from all smiling perfectly to all looking my way …  “It was the best of days; it was the worst of days” rings in my mind.

 

Starting at the top and moving down, I thought about who they have become eleven short years later;  an accountant with his Master’s degree working on a CPA, a 9th-grade public school English teacher, a full-time FCA missionary, a soon-to-be Oncology nurse, an EMT working toward being a paramedic, a full-time college student pursuing a degree in Administration of Justice, a ballerina waltzing in her umpteenth Nutcracker, and a feline-adopting wanna-be veterinarian.  I never could have dreamed big enough to have imagined all that was squished on the slide that sunny day on the playground!  

 

All these thoughts led me to think, “Boy, have I learned a bunch while on this adventure with my children.”  That sweet, younger momma behind that camera has grown up as well!  I learned a few lessons along the way that I’m happy to pass on to you, as you are on your way on your own Mom adventure.

 

1. Begin with your end in mind!  

This is one gem that an older homeschool mom handed off to me as I began.  Ask yourself the question, “What do I want them to be like when they are grown up?” Then, set your sights on that.  I wanted grown-ups that loved the Lord, loved others and each other, and loved to learn.  I could probably write an entire book on how we tried to work it out… but I’ll only offer a few helpful tips for now.

 

First, if you want children who love the Lord, – you’ll need to have a relationship with the Lord that makes them want what you have. Invest in your spiritual journey first. You won’t be able to give them what you don’t have.

 

Teaching them to “love others and each other” has entire sections devoted to them…keep reading!

 

Let me focus on the “love to learn” part. I wanted well-educated children who understand the world and have wide fields of interests.  Early on, I devoured books and checklists to make sure I was “covering everything they needed to know”. And, to prove it, I subjected them to good-old, standardized tests.  Even silly, insecure me realized the limitation of what the ridiculous tests could tell me, but it was mandated by the state– so we did it anyway.  

 

Years into this teach & test method, I decided it was actually hindering my quest to produce a love of learning.  Who loves to learn only to be tested to prove it? NO ONE, ever. Besides, we wanted to learn things that were never included on standardized tests.  We wanted a non-standardized education.  We wanted a customized education!  One tailored to fit the specific person it was designed for and not something off the assembly line of one-size-fits-all.  My children are each beautifully and uniquely created for a purpose God has made just for them.

 

So I stopped testing.  Really, it was that simple.  I just decided we didn’t need to do it any longer and never looked back.  The freedom this brought is almost indescribable.  No more struggling with fears of not doing enough.  No more comparisons (for both myself and my students).  No more “we have to” study a certain subject a certain way or at a specific time.  Freedom was becoming more than just a word; we were experiencing freedom!

 

Another side note on testing is why on earth would we lower our standards to the lowest common denominator of what a standardized (may I add “for profit”) testing company feels is important to learn?   Please set your standards according to what the Lord leads you to for your family. Don’t settle for low standards. Have you seen the US scores in math and science compared to the rest of the world?

 

2. The daily conversations matter more than you realize!

The quantity of time you spend together will become quality time.  All those hours and hours spent on family vacations, shared read-alouds, holiday traditions after-church conversations, family dinners, discipline times, van times, cleaning the garage, etc., etc., etc. add up to a deep well of wisdom you have shared together.

 

You won’t realize, in the moments, that you are shaping their hearts and minds.  This shaping takes years to complete.  Recently, one of my adult children told me about a couple having difficulty in their marriage.  He relayed how a conversation between us when he was a young elementary student had impacted his view on marriage forever.  He had come home from playing with a new friend whose parents were about to get divorced.  He asked me, “Would you and Dad ever get divorced?”.  He told me that I looked him straight in the eye and told him that was never going to happen. We had made a promise to God and to each other and meant to keep it, no matter what.  The “No Matter What” became his standard for marriage that day.  

 

Be intentional.  Create deep wells filled with daily conversations.  Everything you share is an education.

 

3.  Learn alongside them!

As I began teaching the kids,  I quickly realized the gaps in my education.  But homeschooling gave me a second chance to learn alongside them.  In fact, God is still trying to get me to learn algebra (for the 8th time), but I digress…

 

History, Science and Apologetics are all wonderful God-infused subjects I learned with them.  I promise you– once you get to teach something, you get to really get to learn it too.  Not only learning the material but getting a valuable opportunity to learn how to teach it to all ages has been an amazing gift of homeschooling.

 

The homeschool journey has been a learning journey for me, too.  I’ve developed my very own “love to learn!”  

 

4.  Pull them out of their “own little worlds”!

I learned that my human nature loves to live in my own little world, which is all about me.  Our kids are no different.  We need to be intentional about expanding their world to include a bigger one outside of themselves.  Here are a few tips:

 

• Limit extracurriculars.  Yes, they are good things!  We have had tons of experience with them–orchestras, sports teams, drama, ballet, horseback riding lessons, youth group, Awana, music lessons, camps, etc. etc.  But, when we didn’t intentionally limit these activities, everyone was off and running to their own little worlds, every single night of the week.  And truly, the benefits of the activities proved to be much less than the cost of the family time they took away.  

 

• Limit screen time.  My English teacher son is now leading the charge for less screen time. The long-term effects of the screens on children are just beginning to be known, and it’s not good.  My advice: hold off on handing their childhood over to a screen.  Read a lot of books, play board games. go on hikes, build forts, play music–and so on –together instead!

 

Now for a couple of proactive things you can do:  

 

• Volunteer & serve together.  Find opportunities or make them.  Do things for others outside of your own little world.  The impact will be more than you realize.

 

• Be consistent. Don’t give up. My husband has been doing a Japanese student ministry for 31 years.  It’s amazing to see what consistently seeing beyond yourself can do after years and years.  Also, give yourself permission to drag your children kicking and screaming to the opportunities to serve if that’s what you must do.  Trust the Lord will work in their hearts to give them the desire to love others (remember, you once upon a time didn’t like to eat healthy food either.)  Just do it; it matters.  And keep doing it. We have had amazing changes come in our children’s hearts as we kept on. Rome wasn’t built in a day; our children’s hearts aren’t either. 

 

5.  Invest in your relationships with your spouse and family!

At the start of the journey, throwing my whole heart into motherhood and teaching my kids was easy.  This focus quickly became the all-consuming, most important thing.  But it shouldn’t be.  The relationships –my relationships with my husband and my children–should always come first.  

 

This is going to ruffle a few feathers… Stop letting co-ops or groups take the place of your family.  Calm down; I’m not saying these are bad or wrong.  I just know from experience that sometimes co-ops and groups can begin to dictate your time and direction more than you and your spouse do.  Friendships with peers can also begin to pull your kids away from their relationships with you, your husband, and their siblings.  Be willing to honestly evaluate the relational costs of joining in. Don’t let coops and groups replace your family!

 

Make investment in your spouse first and let everything else overflow from that investment.  It’s taken many years and lots of mistakes to learn this one.  A strong marriage teaches more effectively than any other aspect of education can.  Let your children see you putting your spouse first, let them see your affection (and if you aren’t feeling affectionate… ask yourself why and get the time and help you need to rekindle that!).  Go away often together– minus the kids. Go on walks together, shop together, run together, read together, go overnight together, and take wonderful trips together, camping if you need to afford it.  Seriously, it took me years to see the extreme value in this and to let go of some of my control issues.  Trust me – your kids will thank you later for showing them what a loving relationship looks like.  They are learning much more about life by what they see than from what you say.  

 

6.  Focus on real life instead of curriculum!

I am a self-diagnosed “curriculum junkie” with no known cure for this malady.  I love books. I love learning.  I love a good teacher’s guide with all the “answers” most of all. But real-life learning trumps any and all curriculum every time.  

 

Real life is all around you!  Look back at point #1 – Do you want adults who know how to cook?  Teach them to cook.  Do you want adults who know how to use tools?  Teach them to build.  Do you want adults who value their health and body?  Teach them to exercise.  Do you want adventurous adults?  Take them on adventures.  Do you want adults who love people of all types and ages?  Give them opportunities to grow in this now. It’s really that simple.

 

Meaningful work matters.  Give them meaningful chores and responsibilities. Teach them that choices have consequences and let real life discipline them.

 

Share how your faith and your choices have impacted your life.  Don’t only focus on teaching a curriculum; teach them how to live.

 

7.  Having fun is extremely important!

Don’t let fear steal the joy and freedom of the mom adventure!  I always say, “Life is hard; you can laugh or cry…  I’d rather laugh!”  Find ways to bring the fun back into learning … Cook crazy dishes from around the world, make silly crafts, take random “SOS - save our sanity” - spontaneous days off and do nothing (plan it if you must!).  Create fun traditions like “first day of school = Chick-fil-A with no schoolwork” or “eating frozen pizza on the good china” out-of-the-blue, just because nights.  If you need a day off, take it and refuse to feel guilty! 

 

By the way, the checked-off boxes on the teacher’s guide don’t mean they learned it.  I’ve realized there needs to be a place on the transcript to check off if we enjoyed learning it!  Our fun times together are unforgettable! 

 

Ignite their wonder and curiosity!  If your plans and schedules are holding you like a vise, CHANGE THEM!  

 

 

8.  Travel, travel, and travel some more!

I wish I could have told younger me to throw the kids in the van and just go places more often.  You don’t have to go far –you can travel in your own city or state. But make it a priority to get out of your daily environment and go see something new…often!

 

Field trips are fabulous. We learned so much more exploring the zoo, museums, and parks than we ever did sitting at our desks.  Bonus learning happens when you get the entire family–including dad–involved.

 

Learn how to manage your budget to include travel.  Give up the subscriptions, drive older vehicles, skip the lattes (ha! what homeschooling momma gets those??).  Save all your pennies to show your kids the world.  It’s one of the best investments you can make!

 

Well…that’s all for now.  I hope that, as you read these, you felt inspired and not weighted down to add more to-dos to your checklists.  I am praying that the Lord will show you the unique paths He has planned for you and your family.

 

I’m cheering you on as you take your own mom adventure. You got this!

 

 

Blessings,

Renita

 

Pull the Plug!

 

Want to know a secret parenting tip? Unplug your dishwasher. Yep, it’s that easy!

Years ago, our dishwasher broke. Actually, we were semi-professional dishwasher-breakers – we went through several of them in the course of a few years. “Oh well…” I thought, at least I have several “spares,”… aka - my able-bodied children.

In the meantime, while saving our pennies for the new time-saving device, we were forced to resort to washing the dishes by hand…every.single.meal.

During this season, I began to notice some parenting opportunities that I had been missing out on when the dishwasher was doing the work.


My children were learning to work together.


Living in a classic suburban setting, my children had not been exposed to the necessity and reality of daily chores. Sure, being a “good” homeschool mom, I had created the obligatory chore charts and manufactured chores that they needed to accomplish and check off. I proudly boasted of the cleanest light switch plates and sparkling baseboards in the neighborhood. But, really - we knew that these “chores” were often skippable… and they often skipped out.


But, on the dark day, the dishwasher died - the reality of necessary daily chores crashed onto our countertop in the form of 10 people using dishes 3 times a day! Thus began my search for the best way to divide the labor.


I tried “Boy Day” and “Girl Day” –that worked for a while, having equal numbers of both. I tried “Dish Teams” - alternating days. That worked for a while until the high school schedules upset the plan once again. Our current system looks like this - “Whoever makes dinner doesn’t help with dishes.” Shhh… nothing gets a teen more motivated to cook for everyone when they get to skip dishes!


I’d like to say “dish duty” was always a happy, cheerful time, with everyone gladly rolling up their sleeves to tackle the job with a smile on their face. But I’d be lying.


We learned quickly which person could dive right in with the “sooner we start, the sooner we finish” mentality. And, which of them could stall and postpone and avoid the work altogether. Let me assure you when siblings are assigned “dish duty” together –they will learn to work out those differences!


Many sibling squabbles were solved around the sink as they had to work together to accomplish the task.



My children were learning to serve.

A new appreciation for the preparation of meals began to take place. Knowing how much work it took to make a meal and clean it up became more real to my kiddos, who had previously gobbled it down, stuffed it in the dishwasher, and ran off without a second thought.


Too often, I had done all the real work in the kitchen. With the dishwasher out of commission, I did not have the energy or the time to do it “all” any longer. The children were needed to help. I noticed it didn’t hurt them, it helped them develop appreciation!


It became a training ground for learning to complete a task…all the way. Many times, “quality control” had to be applied to ensure the dish was truly clean, the counter was wiped down, the dishes were put away, etc.


I fell in love with a sign that reads - “Wash the plate not because it’s dirty, nor because you are told to wash it, but because you love the person that will use it next,” by Mother Theresa. It proudly hangs above the sink and reminds us that this chore is actually an act of love for those we get to serve.


The conversations over the sink became a precious time for connection.


In today’s world, we constantly hear how disconnected everyone is becoming. The digital world is pulling us away from face-to-face connections, and our children suffer for it.

Not if you unplug the dishwasher! You will get the opportunity to connect at least 3 times a day.

I have witnessed the amazing conversations that have taken place around my sink. We have discussed everything from God, politics, our future plans, and why baking with a muffin tin is annoying to clean and should be banned.

We’ve turned on the music, been silly, and had the best family dance parties ever.

We declared war, expressed frustrations, and snapped at each other with wet dish towels. Warning – this is not for the faint of heart and could result in minor injuries, which taught essential skills in apologizing and making amends.

We’ve cried and reminisced together while washing the “good china,” remembering happy family memories and holiday traditions.

We learned to show thankfulness for each other and genuinely appreciate the blessings of a clean counter and empty sink.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that the dishwasher’s death had actually been a gift to us. So, for now, I have no plans to resurrect it. I do tell them when they all grow up and move away… I’ll probably buy a new dishwasher the very next day.



Don’t be afraid to pull the plug, pull up your sleeves and see what opportunities are waiting for you at the sink!




Blessings,

Renita

Lighten Your Load

 

We all get weary about this time of year… winter seems to drag on and on, our best intended resolutions have escaped us (again), and there isn’t a bright spot in sight to look forward to! We scour the internet looking for that special “something” that can brighten up our day, make school bearable again, and lighten our load.  May I suggest –we may be looking for “love in all the wrong places.”  What we need is rest – but, the www.whatever doesn’t have what we most need. I’ve been pondering what brings this elusive “true rest” to my day.  Of course, as Christians, we are familiar with the verse “Come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest.” While this is abundantly true, I can find it hard to put it into daily practice in my homeschooling endeavors, especially in these years homeschooling high schoolers and having three post-graduates in the home. What are the things that are making you feel “weary and heavy burdened”?  For me, I realized that the load I was carrying was heavier than it needed to be and I had picked up some things that I should have put down.  I had been carrying them far too long –and the Lord gently invited me to come to Him and learn of Him and to find rest for my soul. Academic Expectations & Fear I had picked up numerous academic expectations along the homeschooling path about what we “had” to do. You know the ridiculous, but common, expectations that we have to do all the subjects, follow a specific scope and sequence, and excel at everything.  These expectations created imagined “requirements” that the invisible “they” will be looking for on the prized, golden transcript– my child’s ticket to success.  I really excelled at picking up all those unrealistic academic expectations and trying to meet them all! Along with these came fear.  Fear that we couldn’t meet them, fear that we wouldn’t measure up and fear we weren’t good enough!   So we worked longer and harder and those heavy “got-to-do-expectations” quickly consumed most of our waking moments;  got to do Algebra and beyond, got to have 2 years of an intense foreign language, got to have extracurriculars, got to have volunteer hours, got to take the tests (even take them over again for another couple of points), got to do college credit, got to follow the checklists.  (Actually – I kinda hate to admit this, I LOVE a good checklist –what a feeling of accomplishment there is to gleefully check something off!  I may have even a time a two, written something down just to get to check it off.  I think I’m a list-checking addict!) The rest of the verse in Matthew 11 intrigued me, “Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me…and you shall find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.” Our school days looked anything but “easy and light.”  I realized I needed to learn more from the Lord and to understand better what His easy yoke and light load was for us. I found that these heavy expectations I had taken on were fueled by fear and became the dictators of our days. What a gift it was to trade all those burdensome expectations and fears in exchange for His light and easy yoke!  It brought freedom. It brought peace. It brought us rest.  Instead of hurrying to finish all those “got tos”, we started to prioritize all the “get tos”.  It was a subtle shift from carrying heavy expectations to enjoying the journey with appreciation and gratitude. The Lord’s invitation to learn of Him allowed us to see all the many ways we had been given a gift of freedom in our days from the endless demands.  We get to set a more relaxed schedule.  We get to skip that difficult lesson and save it for another day when we may have more energy.  We get to customize our studies to our unique needs and unique callings. We get to push the textbook lessons aside and experience real life learning together. Can I encourage you?  Your children are loved by God more than by you (you know how much you love them!) You can trust Him to lead you and them.  Those expectations you picked up will only leave you fearful, feeling behind and worn out. As I relinquished some of my pseudo-academic expectations for my children, the Lord showed up (as He always does.)  Instead of a frantic pace created by trying to check all the boxes, we are learning to capture the moments, eliminate the unnecessary, and prioritize what the Lord is showing us to do.  Peace-filled days, better real learning, and rest followed.  And surprisingly, at least to me, none of my children have stopped learning and growing and excelling.  In fact, the Lord provided many opportunities to learn in very creative ways that we had been missing! Comparisons & Lies Along our journey, carrying comparisons started to weigh me down.  I’d like to think of myself as strongly independent, my own person who likes to do her own thing.  But, comparisons started sneaking into my heart and my home.  I would imagine what the “perfect” family looks like, and then look around at what my family looked like and feel discouraged or defeated.  I picked up more -–“I’ll try harder - do more” ideas for my schooling, my home, and what I should be doing and weighed myself down to the point of exhaustion believing the lies. I thought things like, “Maybe I need a shiny new curriculum or I need to join a popular co-op group to really make us love learning. All I need to do is spend the money, get on board and everything will be easier. Someone else knows better what my children need.” “Or maybe what I need, at least according to all the Instagram & Pinterest images, is a new look or an extreme home makeover.  Everyone else’s home looks perfectly coordinated and organized while their children sit eagerly around the fireplace waiting for the wisdom to drip from mom’s lips as they sip homemade hot chocolate and eat fresh sourdough bread. My home or situation must be our problem.”  My thoughts continued, “What we need is to sell everything we own and buy an RV to homeschool across the country next year. It’ll bring fun and adventure. What we need a complete re-invention of who and what we are. We should be like someone else.” But, the Lord intervened. He said “Come to me… learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  Could it really be that easy? He said He will give me the desires of my heart, He will supply all my needs, He has good plans for me, He will give me the strength to do all He has called me to do, and He is enough. All this helped me enormously. I learned to focus daily on Him and those comparisons and lies started to lose their attraction.  Refocusing my heart and home on Him gave us all a lighter and far easier yoke to carry. Doing It All & Pride Along with those pesky comparisons, I had picked up habits of doing everything myself.  A sort of misplaced pride– thoughts of “It is all my responsibility. If I don’t do it, who will?” and “It rests on me”filled my heavy sack. Moms, we are so good at this!  We learn quickly how to balance multiple responsibilities at one time caring for our little ones–even when they are no longer little.  We get so efficient and so good at managing everything we barely even notice that our “little ones” are fully capable of carrying their own loads. I was the one running our household, planning meals, shopping, cooking, cleaning… the list went on and on. Meanwhile, nearly fully-formed adults were living absolutely care and responsibility free in the shadow of my endless labors.  It was time to share some of the fun! And wow what changes came…and our house has one happier mama! Take a moment, look around your home.  What things are you doing that they could be doing?  Unload some of that.  Let them reap the rewards of learning how to plan, shop, & cook meals for the family (that could be an entire article.) Expect them to take care of the home you share - by cleaning, repairing, and LEARNING how to! This will serve them all of their grown-up lives, and you may have been inadvertently preventing them from doing it, by doing it all yourself. I had taken on the burden of being the one driving the direction of their plans after high school.  I was the one who worried through the transcript formation and scheduled the tests and planned the college visits and, of course, monitored their progress on all the checklists I could find! Instead, I realized my responsibility was to teach them to learn from the Lord and let them start directing their own path.  Is it possible that you need to do that as well? Maybe you need to stop doing it all for them.  I’m not saying to abandon your post as their guide and their cheerleader–I’m saying that the responsibility for determining their life plan is between the Lord and them, not you.  Point them in the right direction, and cheer them on!  Remember, in just several short years, they will not be students– they will be adults.  Start letting them flex their muscles so that they are strong and wise enough to carry their own loads. All these things and more have helped me bring the heavy load I was carrying to the Lord and trade it for His lighter, easier yoke. I’m learning to keep Jesus’ instruction of “Learn of Me” a daily priority. Blessings, Renita “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  - Matthew 11:28-30